Every high-achieving leader hits a wall. A deal falls through. A team member quits. Momentum stalls. The weight of responsibility feels crushing. You tear your achilles tendon–hypothetically.
Most people respond to these setbacks with anger, frustration, blame, or burnout. But great leaders learn to respond differently.
One of the most powerful frameworks I’ve learned for navigating adversity came from my mentor and therapist, John Jolliffe. He called it “The ABCs of Life.”
Here’s how it works:
A – The Event (What Happened)
This is the thing that happened. You lost the client. The launch flopped. Someone let you down.
This is real, but it’s not the whole story.
B – Your Belief (What You Think About What Happened)
This is the interpretation. The internal narrative. The meaning you attach to the event.
“This always happens to me.”
“I’m a failure.”
“They don’t care.”
“This proves I’m not cut out for this.”
And this is the part where things go sideways.
Because…
C – Your Emotion (How You Feel)
This is the emotion you experience — the anxiety, anger, shame, or discouragement.
Most people live in an A → C world.
Event → Emotion.
Something happens, and they react.
That’s what it feels like.
But it’s incomplete.
It’s not the event that creates the emotion.
It’s your interpretation of the event.
If you change the B, you change the C.
You can’t control every A, but you have full authority over your B — and that changes everything.
The Framework for Resilience:
Name → Reframe → Release
When I face a setback, here’s how I work the process:
1. Name the Feeling
Don’t avoid it. Don’t downplay it.
Name what you’re experiencing: “I feel discouraged,” “I feel anxious,” “I feel disrespected.”
Bringing language to your emotion diffuses its power. It gives your brain clarity and your body relief.
2. Reframe the Thinking
Ask:
- “What else could be true?”
- “What’s the opportunity here?”
- “How can this make me stronger?”
- “What story would the future tell me about this moment?”
- “What’s a more empowering way to think about this?”
Sometimes the reframe is simple:
“This isn’t failure. It’s feedback.”
“This delay might be protecting me from something worse.”
“This is a leadership moment — not a breakdown.”
Change the belief, and you change your experience.
3. Release the Emotion
Let go of the unhelpful baggage: frustration, resentment, panic, self-pity. It’s not serving you.
You might need to write it out, walk it off, breathe through it, or talk it through with a coach or friend. Whatever it takes to come back to clarity and strength, do it.
The Real Leadership Lesson
Strong leaders don’t avoid setbacks. They expect them. But what separates high-performance leaders from the rest is how they interpret and respond.
If you let events dictate your emotional state, you’ll live in constant reaction mode — like a leaf blowing in the wind.
But when you own the B, you master your C — and regain your power.
Final Thought
Leadership is more emotional than most people admit. The stakes are high, and people are watching. But you don’t have to carry every challenge like a heavy load.
Try this instead:
A – Name the issue.
B – Reframe the belief.
C – Release the negative emotion.
It’s a simple framework, but if you work at it, it will change how you lead, how you feel, and how you live.
Want help building this mindset into your leadership rhythm? Book a Strategy Call and let’s talk.
